I've been up all night...that can't be good

Lisa Lehmann

Posted on February 22 2011

So what keeps me up all night? Why can't I sleep? My mind? It's full. Full of questions. Full of ideas. Full of thoughts. Full of doubt. Tonight in particular? What if going gluten free was the wrong decision? What if I'm poisoning my family? What if it has no benefits for us altogether? Then? The mind starts spinning and spiraling. Down. It's no use. I get up. But then I look at the pile of email and unfinished paperwork. Who will do it? I look at the success of others doing what I do. Will I ever obtain that? I look at the pile of orders that need to be packed and shipped. They are late. Will you hate me for that? I look at my kids and all the things I want to teach them. Will I ever have the time? So the spiral continues and what was 2:30 a.m. is now 5:30 a.m. I'm still not tired. I should be. I LOOK tired. I'd take a picture, but it would scare you. I'd rather you think of me as waking up and being fabulous. I am not. At all. Not nary one bit. Curly hair in every direction. I think I forgot to wash my face. "Coffee Junkie" robe with coffee stains...go figure. And of course....slippers. So what can't I sleep? When will I embrace that "I am enough" and be satisfied? Why do I want more? What if I am not destined for more? What if this is it? It feels so...so...mediocre. {sigh} I hate that. I want to sleep. Like now. But guess what, it's almost time to get up. So now I'm at the infamous "why bother" point. Ugh. Don't call me today...or attempt to ask me anything. The answer will be NO and I will most decidedly be grouchy. K? Thanks. Also, Good morning.

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