An Artist in Purgatory
Posted on September 16 2011
I feel like I'm in purgatory. I am miserable. I am suffering. Not about life, but about my art.
Why are artists so tough on themselves. It's not as if I don't KNOW that I'm being tough on myself. It's just that I can't seem to help myself. I look at my ArtPrize entry and I cringe.
I wonder to myself, "what was I thinking?" I should just stick to metal. I'm not a painter.
But every so often while I am painting I feel this brief interlude of peace. I'll scan the painting with a critical eye, tilt my head slightly to the right, and squint. "Yes. I do like it. I can paint." And then the mental attack. Then the self doubt. Then the little voice that says, "you're crazy, anyone could do that."
It comes down to a choice. It always does doesn't it?
Who do I listen to?
The voice that comes from years of failure. The voice that rises from high school art rooms and college art critiques. The voice of others.
Or do I listen to the voice of my Creator, the greatest artist of all time. The One who made me as I am. The One who says I am enough because He is enough.
I like to envision Him smiling at me when the brush is in my hand. Nodding his head as the paint flies over the canvas. Not because he thinks I'm good. But because he loves when I embrace my talent. Not because I deserve his, or anyones, praise. But because he knows I have joy in my heart when I paint.
So I choose.
I choose the voice that comes from the One within me. I choose to know that I love this piece of art, because I loved creating it. I loved embracing color. I loved blending. I loved the call of blue that I answered to...and boldly. I love the dance of metal across the canvas.
I love that it is NOT about what others think. It's ultimately what I think.
And isn't that what art should be?
Therefore I step beyond my personal purgatory...confidently. Choosing to listen to my heart. I may not be a "painter" so to speak, but I AM an artist. I create because I cannot help myself, it IS who I am. And I'm ok with that.
What is your heart telling you? And whose voice will you choose to listen to?
BE creative (because it is a gift!)