It's been awhile
It's been quite some time since I wrote. Like really wrote. Sure, I write newsletters and social media posts, but those are not "real" pictures into my life and my feelings. Those are carefully orchestrated words meant to point to what I do, and less of who I am.
Ever since my divorce I have been very careful about my words. This is a very private part of my life, that is not just my story. Therefore I chose, and continue to choose, to keep that private for the sake of all involved. That is important to me.
Then there was 2020 and my bad country song year. If it could go wrong it did. But yet I rose from those ashes. Kicked cancers ass. Rehabilitated my knee. Found solace in friends and family. And slowly rebuilt my business into something that worked better for me.
The life of an artist is not easy. Being a solo entrepreneur is not easy. Many days I just want to quit. It's difficult pulling on creativity daily and then trying to convince the "world" they need what you create. Trying to design and create jewelry, as well as filming the process so I can create a instagram reels to show what is happening behind the scenes because "the socials" demand it, while remaining upbeat and excited is exhausting.
Often I just want to hunker down in my studio with a paint brush, some stones a pile of metal and no plan. Just "play". But once you are a full time artist, you are a full time artist. Creating is not just what you are gifted at, it is your job.
When they say, "do what you love and you will never work a day in your life." I think that's not completely true. I think sometimes when you do what you love and it BECOMES your job, somethings get lost.
I say all this, not so you will feel sorry for me, please please don't! What I get to do each day is a privilege. But it's not all shiny and unicorns.
I miss being honest. I miss sharing the REAL behind the scenes. Lately, it has just been very dark...and sad. I think the car accident was one of those, last straw you have to be kidding moments! I know I will plow through this. It's a season. I think after experiencing great joy, then loss, it takes something from you. A piece of you. How is that for cryptic writing?
Thank you for reading. If you are in a low place, a discouraging time, or feeling lonely...please know that you are not alone. I truly believe you were created for great things!
I am ever grateful for the people who continue to support and encourage me. The ones that make me get out. Make me smile. And meet me exactly where I am.
Find you sunshine today. DO what you love. Reach out to a friend. And remember...always remember...you are deeply loved.