Happy Birthday to me
A birthday is always a good time to reflect. To look back. To look ahead.
One thing I am determined to do this year is to get back into writing. It has always been a passion of mine. But year after year it just got tucked away. What if I have nothing to say? What if no one reads what I say? What if I say the wrong thing?
I have realized one thing on this birthday. I need to be true to my heart. To what is actually important to me. If no one reads, that's ok. Sometimes we just need to "get the words out". Does that make sense?
A couple weeks ago, on my birthday, I wrote this. I am putting here to remind me. To make the words permanent. To mark a place.
Birthday’s come ever year. It’s inevitable. The years DO, in fact, add up. The numbers grow. The sun continues to rise and set as our planet travels onward.
The last 3 years of my life have been a roller coaster. I was living a bad country song! But now. When i look at all i have overcome, all i have accomplished? THAT brings me great joy.
I am a slow learner. Sometimes I have to be pushed to the brink to make a decision, or hit over the head with a bad one to learn a lesson.
However, I have gleaned some knowledge. So Lisa, what HAVE I learned?
- loving myself is work, and takes work. every day.
- my body IS changing, but that body fought cancer like a beast! It still can run and bend despite blown out knees and broken ankles, and my hands can still create.
- home is my happy place.
- my kids don’t need me like they did before. Stepping back and finding a new role is not easy. Previously, I felt so defined by being their mom, it was my number 1 job. Now, I still get to be the number 1 cheerleader, just from a different place on the team. This tidbit is evolving and I have made 1000 mistakes, with a 1000 to come.
- I am not defined by my work and the “likes” I receive. I KNOW i make beautiful things. I KNOW I am passionate about the people I serve.
- Love. It looks different than I knew it could.
- Rules. I have lived under the guise of “do this or else” my entire life. I have realized many of those aren’t just rules, they are expectations…of OTHERS. I cannot live under those expectations. I have to find MY way.
- I know NOTHING when it comes to race and gender equality. I have lived a white privileged life and I want to do better.
- Jesus. and THIS is the most important. This verse resonates with me more than ever, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ LOVE others. ALL people. No matter what.
- I don’t want more money or things. I want real friendships. I want connection. I want to love people well and to be a light in their life.
I want to learn, grow, and do better. I want to celebrate the good. I want to love others more. I want to love ME the best I can. And as I love my Jesus, to serve him the best that I can on this side of heaven.
Happy birthday to me. I hope by this time next year I will have become more of who I am supposed to be. I hope that my smile hasn't faded, and my laughter has become louder. So 53? Let's go!
xoxoxo, lisa
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Posted on September 16 2022