When the darkness comes

Darkness. Months ago I wrote to you about my families struggle. I told you about the hurt, the sadness, the darkness we were feeling. You stood by me. By us. I can never thank you enough. And even though I am choosing to shy away from details. Even though each day I try to be positive and funny and upbeat. There is still a shadow lurking. Darkness. Somedays are easier than others. Somedays I wonder why taking the high road is so difficult. Somedays it's just too much. And I those days, I can feel my depression. It's crazy how it starts to well up and I can sense it wanting to invade my thoughts and ideas and cloud my vision. But I am a fighter and I have the tools. Somethings you do learn. For me...when the words start filling my head, rather than dwell on them, I need to write them down. Here is my jumble of darkness and hope. Thank YOU for journeying with me. I am more grateful than you will ever know.... xo, lisa ___________________________________________________ I.... {when the darkness comes} I wish I was Smarter. Prettier. More Successful. Satisfied. I wish I felt alive every day. I wish I wasn't so scared. I want I want to look in the mirror and smile. I want to laugh joyously at the morning light. I want to skip through the day with a heady giddiness at life. If only If only I could change my thoughts. If only I could choose joy. If only I could find the light inside of me. I long I long to truly feel. The sun on my skin. The wind in my hair. I long to experience days full of laughter. I long to shine. I dream I dream about carefree days. I dream about watching the sun fade into the water. I dream about a place where everyone smiles. Yet Yet here I am wishing. Yet here I am wondering. Yet here I am praying. Somedays it would be easier to let the darkness in and dive into whatever might overcome me. It would be easier to free fall into the abyss and let it swallow me. To sink into the space of nothing that calls me by name. But But I know there is a light shining within me. But I know there is a joy deep in my soul. But I know there are celestial arms that carry me. But I know I am never alone. So I cling to the hope. I stand in the light. And take a step forward... for even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.