Depression. Does it ever REALLY go away? You have been so supportive. So encouraging.
I get emails daily asking how I REALLY am, since everything seems FINE on the outside. By the way, FINE is an "F" word in my house. It's a cop out. An easy answer.
Honestly? I'm not FINE. But I'm doing well...truly.
That's my word of choice.
It's a DAILY, every day make yourself get out of bed sort of thing.
Chemically, I've taking care of things. This is where I get to say, "drugs are good"...and necessary. My meds are working, and I feel more "even". Does that makes sense? I know longer feel like I'm living on the edge of the precipice with my feet dangling over the side. However...I can still SEE the cliff.
The mind is a crazy thing. Mentally I still fight the battle...DAILY.
I don't always feel "fine".
DAILY I tell myself to get out of bed in the morning. And then to be thankful for the new day.
DAILY I look in the mirror and remind myself of how very blessed I am.
DAILY I go to the studio and force myself to find the creativity that lies within me.
DAILY I sign into Facebook, I write blog posts, I post pictures, I write newsletters because it is what I do, and I'm so very grateful to be able to use my gifts this way.
But it IS a battle...DAILY.
Even though chemically my brain is functioning the way it should be, there are still those small voices in my head that want to drag me back into depths of the darkness. The voices that want me to live a life of fear and sorrow. The voices that don't want me to live an abundant life, a life bathed grace.
The voices don't say you are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are loved, you are REDEEMED. The voices say, "sinner, stupid, ugly, unworthy". But we all struggle with that a little don't we? Depression, or not.
So I choose...
Depression is truly a war. But it is one that I choose to claim victory over.
Why? How? Because....
I AM redeemed.
I have four amazing children that I adore, (and they actually like me - BONUS)!
I have friends who "get me".
I am privileged to use my creative gifts, and own a small business!
I have a home with heat.
A car that runs.
Fuzzy boots and Starbucks in my cup.
I am blessed beyond belief.
To answer your questions, I am not FINE.
But, I am choosing to be FANTASTIC....DAILY.
Love you, so very much...
If you ever want to chat...just drop me a note, the coffee is always on....