Being authentic and finding my voice

Being authentic and finding my voice
Authentic. Authenticity. What does that mean exactly? Webster's definition number 5 says:
"to be true to one's own personality, spirit, or character."
That word - authentic - has been turning in my mind for the last few days. Am I authentic? How do I be authentic? What does that look like?
My revisit with depression forced me to be completely honest with you. I didn't have to be...I wanted to share with you. Why? Because I think it's so easy to hide behind what people think of us. Or who they perceive us to be. I don't want to hide.
For me?
  • I struggle. {{obviously}}
  • I love deeply.
  • I cherish laughter, and adore the silly side of life.
  • I play with fire and sometimes get burned.
  • I'm a mother with kids who are not perfect.
  • I'm sometimes lonely, and often wish to be alone.
  • I'm an artist and creative who wonders if I will ever be accepted for who I am.
  • I love taking pictures and coloring with crayons.
  • I get excited about boots and sweaters and skinny jeans.
  • I color my hair purple and wish there wasn't any grey.
  • I have tattoos that tell stories and dream about a body covered with ink.
  • I love fashion but I wear ripped jeans and tank tops to work everyday.
  • I love opera and classical music but know the words to every 80's song known to mankind.
  • I like hugs.
For you....
  • I want you to eat apples and drink more water.
  • I want to wear scarves in your hair.
  • I want you to laugh with me..
  • I want you to cry and understand.
  • I want you to find the best jeans for your body.
  • I want you to eat dark chocolate and sip red wine.
  • I want you to get pedicures with the hottest colors of the season.
  • I want to talk to you about homeschooling and then giving it up.
  • I want to share my new designs with you and get your honest opinion.
  • I want you to get excited about Christmas music and red carpets.
  • I want you to be yourself and not be afraid of who that is.
  • I want you to make mistakes with me and then pick ourselves up and start over.
  • I want you to love you for you...because you're awesome.
I want this to be a place that is authentic. Real.
I want to help you, and allow you to help me.
Is it possible? Can my voice ring true to you? Will you trust me and hold me accountable?
As much as I love what I do...I feel like there is something missing...there's a part of me that just wants to connect with you...because I care.
I have dreams. Thoughts. Ideas.
When all is said and done I want to hear "well done my good and faithful servant."
Is it even possible to make a difference in this tiny corner of the Internet? And does it really matter? Do I have influence? And if so, what does that mean?
My life is messy. And beautiful. It's chaotic. And exciting.
To put it in the words of Annie Lennox... "these are the contents of my head"
But then, in the same song she goes on to say:
This is the book I never read .These are the words I never said. This is the path I'll never tread. This is the joy that's seldom spread. These are the tears, The tears we shed. This is the fear. This is the dread. And these are the years that we have spent. And this is what they represent. And this is how I feel.
That ending is so sad to me. Thoughts and ideas and and tears and dreams and fears kept inside, never shared. Wasted.
I think I have something to offer you...maybe I'm disillusioned. But I guess I'll never know unless I take the time to write. To be honest. To have fun. To be myself. Authentic.
Will you journey with me? I'd be so very honored.... xoxo lisa

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