Today is Friday. Normally Friday's excite me. It's the day before a weekend, which to me means time with my kids, husbands home...movies, pizza etc. So enjoy Friday's and I almost always feel creative on Friday's.
But today is different. Today began with a chunk of bad news...news that is all too familiar. My husband had to deliver the news via phone which I know was not his first choice, but maybe it was better that way. Maybe that way he didn't have to see my face, more specifically my eyes which really are a mirror to my soul.
The details are unimportant, at least for now, but what is worrying me is I had big plans for creating today. Big plans to dive into my studio and "play". Now that drive is gone. My soul aches and my heart is heavy. So how do I "beat" the blues, overcome my circumstances?
As an artist many of us are moody anyway. Many of us struggle with the swings of high to low on a daily (if not hourly :) basis...at least I do. But today is going to be different. I'm going to make choice and some conscience decisions...I get to be in charge.
The first thing I did is pray. I don't know where your faith life is...or what you believe in. But for me...God has to be my first choice. He created the universe, so I think he can take care of me. I asked Him for peace, I asked Him for strength and I asked Him for direction. I'm not entitled to those things...but He does say when we ask, He will answer.
Secondly, I am writing this to all of you. I don't "feel" like talking to anyone, out loud anyway...but this is my way of conversing, my way getting it out. And whether anyone reads this or not is really unimportant.
Thirdly, I'm going to have a cup of tea! I am a coffee die hard. I love it and often live for my cup of joe. The essence of the bean...that's what I'm talking about. But in certain moments, certain circumstances tea is the answer. The English have been on to the therapy of tea for centuries, we just threw it overboard!
So I will properly brew my cup of tea, enjoying the aroma and then sipping lightly....letting the delicate balance of flavor dance across my tounge. When I realize the simple pleasure a cup of tea can bring....a few leaves, some hot water...then I can put things in perspective again.
So I WILL create today. The fact that I can, that is MY gift and talent...and no matter my circumstances no bad news can take away that gift. And it is my responsibility to share that gift with others who DO appreciate it.
Thank you for allowing me to air my frustrations, for giving me the freedom to "vent"! I really do feel better. Now I'm going to go turn on the hot water, direct my focus to what is in my control and move on. God is good all the time and He'll let me know what he has in mind for our "next"...but for now I need to go bang on some metal.
(here is the song of my heart today, the lyrics taken from Christian recording artist Chris Tomlin)
Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me