Posted on June 29 2016
She is the enemy...really. She takes on many forms. She deceives. She blinds. She misconstrues. She seeks to destroy.
Like water, she finds her way into the tightest places. Tiny cracks you thought were safe...sealed. Not so. She will trickle in unaware until she has taken up so much space you find yourself drowning when you didn't even realize you were swimming.
Fear will trickle in unaware until it has taken up so much space you find yourself drowning when you didn't even realize you were swimming.
Yes, one could argue for her twin sister...healthy fear. She exists as well. She is a protector. She is welcome...wanted...needed. She keeps us safe, she reminds us to be careful, she allows us to be wary. She has our best interests at heart.
But this is the other fear...almost the "evil" twin sister. This blinding fear doesn't allow us to be wary or careful. This deceptive counterpart can often be paralyzing. Interrupting our thoughts...our life...causing us to travel down paths in our mind we never intended to go. Provoking our rational calm self to full blown panic. Then we become anxious and often just.stop.functioning altogether.
Fear can provoke our rational calm self to panic and cause us to become anxious and often just.stop.functioning altogether.
I know this fear. Intimately. I know this suffocating feeling all too well. And I hate it.
Not everyone has this struggle. In fact, I dare say most don't. So why me? Where is my confidence? My inner light? My faith? Where are my defenders against this enemy? Sadly? I think I've pushed them all aside and welcomed fear one too many times. Made her comfortable. Allowed her a place. I'm the one. I have let her in and now she feels like she has a home in my head.
Quite frankly? I think it's time for her to move out.