standing at the edge of the cliff
Posted on February 07 2016
An innocent writing prompt with a photo. A girl. A cliff. The prompt? at the edge of...
But it didn't feel innocent. Not today. It felt gut wrenching real.
A cliff. Dangling. The rooted part of me..grounded...focused...seeing the danger for what it is and actually having the mental capability to assess...have a lucid thought...and tell myself to step away from the edge. That's the way it works. For most people.
I'm not most people.
The other part of me. The part that is illogical and dark says, "just one more step...do it". It entices with me with a false sense of freedom. Flying. Soaring. A thrill. Just do it. EVERYONE will be the better for it. LIES. All Lies. And I know that...yet.
It's the isolation piece. I do love being alone. I love quiet. I crave it. Enjoy it. Rejuvenate in those moments. But it also gives the darkness a place to twist my thoughts into something evil. Something ugly. Not always. But when the time is right.
So...I fight. A battle. Inside my head. My heart. It makes me feel certifiably crazy. Does anyone else do this? What's wrong with me? Surely the medication should "fix this". But often, it doesn't.
We all have stories unfolding behind the scenes. We battle demons and darkness. We are struggling and often no one knows. That fear? That feeds the darkness. The hiding. The alone. Trust me. I know.
I'm here today to say to you, take a step back. Take off that ugly, heavy, weighty cloak of shame and guilt and throw THAT over the edge. Stand there gloriously naked if you have to.
I believe in a God who will not turn his back on me (or you). I believe in a God who when he sees me standing there naked will run...no...sprint...to me with a new clean robe and wrap me in it. His arms around me. He sees me.
I also know that I need to share my fears with a friend(s). Name your fears. Name your struggles. Name the darkness. It cannot stand in the light of being spoken. It wants to hide in the recesses of your mind and creep out at just the perfect alone moment.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
It's okay to be terrified and weak and feel deserted. It's ok. Just name it. Please. Say it out loud. Pray. Tell a friend. Throw off that cloak and step away from the edge. I know it's not easy.
This? This post? This is my cloak hurling. I will not let the darkness win today. And neither will you.
Name your fears, your struggles in the comments. Let's be a community. Let's use this ridiculous social media world for something. Let's stand by each other. The darkness doesn't get to win. You have way too much light to share.
Let's shine. I love you.