Being a mom is a full time job. Being a "working outside the home" mom is a full-full time job. Both face the rolling tide of overwhelm. Each is a choice every woman has to make for herself…for her family. You know. And sometimes we just do what we have to do.
But then. Occasionally. In a season of overwhelm. You question yourself. In a weak moment you glance on the other side of the fence. You see another moms Pinterest life and it looks enchanting.
The mom who owns her own business and seems to have it all together. The mom who bakes fun treats with her small people, and then has time to frolic in the park. The mom who runs a Fortune 500 company and is extraordinarily brilliant. The mom with the blog and the speaking gigs who people look up to. The mom who has time to sew and play tennis and still be home when the kids exit the bus.
Why are we so foolish? Why do we slam ourselves against her perceived perfection? Why do we feel the constant need to do all. Be all. Why?
I stand back and read these words and with a humble, slightly embarrassed movement I raise my hand. Guilty. This is me. I too succumb to the game of mom comparison. The game where no one wins. Our self esteem takes a beating. And we emerge worse for the wear. Everyone loses.
I've come to believe fall, yes the season, hates me. A season I have fervently loved. A season that I have looked forward to. The apples. The pumpkins. The strolls on sidewalks strewn with crunchy leaves. The smell of crispness. The boundless splendor of color the trees display as they shed their summer coats preparing for a winter blast. Fall.
As I travel through time, fall has become a season where my depression gets a foothold on my soul and then begins its relentless threats. It attacks my self esteem. My well being. It creates doubt. It mixes its potion of discontent and then beings to stir…slowly.
Maybe it's just too much change. Maybe it's the thought of the oncoming winter (which I loathe). Whatever it is. I am deep in the thick of it. And today. Today it's taking the form of mommy guilt.
I have always worked full time. I have also been a full time mom.
Blessed to own my own business and work from home.
Torn to do both jobs well.
I think as mothers we so desire the very best for our children we sometimes forget that it's ok to desire the very best for ourselves. We are the ultimate organizers and taxi service. And we beat ourselves up when KFC is the dinner of choice. Our counters are strewn with papers…coupons we intend to use…clippings from articles we resolve to read …projects we plan to create…recipes we want to cook. Clutter. It sometimes fills our home. It often overtakes our minds.
|my dysfunctional family :)|
Sweet mama…whether you stay home…work from home…or work outside the home. I just want to tell you that I think you are amazing. I want to tell you it's ok. I want to give you a high five and a big hug. You are doing it. Somedays better than others.
And I want to tell you to take care of you. It doesn't have to be a big thing - but it can be. From vacations to massages to cappuccino's to taking the day to organize a closet. We are so differently wired. Only you know what you need. But you do know. Don't you? And I promise you…you will be the better for it.
Is this a post written to myself? Absolutely. It's like talking to yourself…but it's not quite as absurd. I'm having a rough time. I am torn between the have-to's and the want-to's. I can't ignore the have-to's, but I can step back and do a want-to here and there. Yesterday that involved a deep house cleaning. Today it means baking a ham. And yes, I'm fully aware of my strange "want-to's". It also involves a run with my dogs and taking time to express what I'm dealing with through my words. Here. In this space that is supposed to be oh so professional. Hey guess what? I'm not perfect. I do struggle. And sometimes my mental health rules over fashion! Sometimes :)
Thank you for being here. For reading. For nodding your head and understanding. For hearing my words and acknowledging that it's ok and you are wonderful.
I'm just so very grateful for you.
p.s. if you didn't stop by yesterday…I'm giving away a bangle bracelet. Just leave a comment about you on THIS POST ----> click.